Advice From An Ex-Workaholic

It has been a while since I have done some actual reflecting in my blog so I’m going to take a few minutes to do just that. For those of you that have read my earlier posts, you will know that “Reflecting” is a combination of metaphors (or analogies, I never could get them right), poor writing, and a blunt sense of self-awareness. This combination results in an exhausting attempt to communicate something I think is important. Not just important but something that I think is fundamentally wrong with our perception of what is “normal”. Moreover, I attempt to provide some insightful views and guidance on how to thwart this problems I had from happening in the future (I’ll be damned if I find myself playing the role of Bill Maury, perpetually waking up to “I got you babe” and living the same cloudy and cold day for the rest of my life).

For many of you, this post will be an utter disappoint due to the lack of smiling faces in exotic places. If you find yourself in the “vicariously living through our pictures category” I encourage you to read some of my past posts about Machu Picchu, Colca Canyon & the Condors, the Where-Is-Wilson Monastery, and our scavenger hunt through Mendoza to find our childhood cartoon characters. Plus there will be many more action packed adventures full of pictures that are guaranteed to tickle your photo-fancy in the future! This post, however, will not be your cup of tea.

On the other hand, for those masochists out there that enjoy reading my insights and perspectives on things that are only interesting to the clinically insane, please feel free to muddle your way through this overly wordy and most definitely confusing masterpiece of art /blog post.

Imagine something for me

Pretend you are gazing upon a piece of art. In this case, the canvass happens to be a bedroom and the medium is the mess that fills this room. You stare at the complex intricacies for a long time trying to make connections between the chaotic and seemingly unrelated articles that fill the room until a story starts to unveil itself as your brain attempts to give the piece “meaning”.

This room would put a hoarder to shame and the word labyrinth is a more accurate depiction. Amidst the clutter there a small path that leads from the door to the bed. It is a well worn path that is narrow, complex, and dangerous. There is no room to waiver off the path for fear that you might bump something and everything would come tumbling down. You realize that the “things” that create this complex labyrinth are not really “things” but they are, in fact, piled up responsibilities. The person living in this room is surrounded and taunted by these responsibilities every day as they travel the path back and forth. An image of Donte’s Inferno creeps into the back of your mind as you realize that this room is more of a prison and the weight that this person feels is immense.

Similar to an evergreen in the spring, the clutter grows; consuming and suffocating everything it touches. The journey from door to bed grows increasingly more difficult as the unyielding responsibilities grow. To remove just one item, just once, would bring a tangent of freedom and happiness. However, the labyrinth is intimidating and the fear of destroying the fragile infrastructure that took so many years to build is daunting.

Got that picture?…

This is how I felt for a long time. The bedroom, my bedroom, is typically a symbol for a sanctuary. However in my case it was nothing more than a difficult path that I was required to travel every day, unable to hide from the unyielding responsibilities that life presented me with. The path becoming more and more difficult to navigate. And I was faced with a choice. Keep pushing through because it is easier to keep the status quo? Or get some dynamite and see what happens?

Some of you may know this feeling

This post is going to be about the risks of getting burnt out and the effects it can have on your body. This is something I was unfortunate enough to experience 1st hand. Something that I have been spending a lot of time recovering from. My goal for this post is two-fold: First I need to lay out and understand things I did in the past so that I will know how to adjust moving forward. Secondly I would like this post to provide insights for others so that they do not have to go through the same thing that I did.

Let us begin:

To get you into my frame of mind I thought that I would remind you, or maybe myself, that there were two reasons that I started this blog.

1. So I could have a platform to share our adventures in South America with friends and family. This has been quite successful for the most part but, to be honest, I am finding the act of keeping this blog updated increasing difficult. This may sound odd but I have been so busy doing “nothing” that I haven’t spent as much time updating as I had originally planned.
2. The second and more important reason was to document my journey of rediscovering life. It sounds fun and amazing, which is true, but no story is worth telling unless you there is hardship to be overcome. My hardship started when I decided to get the dynamite and blow my “room” (aka life) to smithereens. I came to a crossroads where I needed to make a choice and realized that I had spent my entire life defining my self-worth and quality of life by the wrong metrics. I refused to continue and decided to change. Boom-goes-the-dynamite!!! Yes, here it is again, Metanoia: The journey of changing ones mind, heart, self or way of life.

For those of you just now joining the show: I talked a lot about Metanoia in my earlier posts. What it boils down to is me, working through a time in my life when I realized that I had it all wrong (maybe not ALL wrong, but you get the picture). I have been using this blog as a means of documenting where I was, where I am, and where I’m going. I’m currently in the “where I am” chapters and hopefully moving closer to the grand finale of “where I’m going” shortly. And if your interested in the “Where I was” chapters, feel free to read my earlier rants.

For the past couple of months, especially before leaving for South America, I became quite reliant on this blog as a means to quiet the noise in my head. While my journeys and exploits south of the equator are healing a part of myself that I thought to be damaged beyond repair, there are still dangers lurking in the waters. The ever-present and unyielding insecurities and self-doubt remain just under the surface, waiting for the right time to strike. I know that while I am off gallivanting in Eutopia that the stresses of my old life are patiently awaiting my return. Now, I would be a fool if I did not take this opportunity while I have a clear head to address them now so that I will be better prepared to deal with them on my return.

Something else to note is that, lately, this blog has had way too many rainbows and butterflies and not enough gritty emotion lately. By “gritty emotion” I mean that I can start to feel the anxiety of returning home creep into my thoughts more and more each day. And in the absence of regularly using this blog to address the plethora of unanswered questions, my negative thoughts are gaining momentum: “What are you going to do?” “Where are you going to live?” “Do you want to go back to your old life?” “If so, are you going to be able to fall back into the same trap?” “Are you even capable of doing something else?” “What would something else even be?”… The white rabbit is back and I find myself falling down the hole again.

Never fear! Quailman is here!!!

By Quailman I mean, I am here with my new toolkit of superpowers (AKA: Ability to reflect personally and professionally)! And the negative-thought-monster-of-death (maybe too much) will never get it’s grubby little talons on me again!

Okay Okay Okay… Sorry for all the exclamation marks. Admittedly, that was an extremely overdramatic way of saying that I am more equipped to handle the negative thoughts than I was a few months ago. And instead of hiding my issues behind burring myself in work or ignoring they exist, I’m going to spend some time working out what I plan to do about them. I am in a better place mentally, physically, and emotionally. Not to mention, I have a few new coping mechanisms to help me. The Quail Man bit and the monster thing was just for flair, you know… some extra sizzle, I know how much you guys enjoy sizzle.

First thing’s first:

I need to acknowledge an issue in which I intend to address. Much like in problem-solving for work, I need to define the issue in which I am trying to solve. The difference between doing this for work and doing this for myself is that at work everything can be quantified to a point that brings value (or the lack of) to the organization. However, in the example of my life, value is a little harder to quantify for two reasons.

1. I have yet to define what brings full synergy to the “function” of Nicholas L. Merriman. This is a great topic in which I plan to spend a great deal of time trying to determine, but that comes in the chapters of “where I’m going” and I’m not there yet.
2. What is value-added vs non-value added in the terms of feelings and emotions? What is my “Happiness”. The problem with answering #2 is that without having a full understanding of what the answer to #1’s answer is, I cannot properly and accurately answer the question.

This, my friends, is what we (in the Lean-6-Sigma industry) call “analysis paralysis.” Meaning we get so bogged down in defining everything, that we do not address the blatantly obvious problems. For visually help: It is like being in a boat that has 6 small leaks coming from between the cracks and one gaping hole… We spend too much time calculating if the 6 small leaks are more than the one big hole. The result is that we sink and die before getting the chance to fix anything.

With that said, I have no intention of letting “good” get in the way of “great”. What do I mean by this? I mean that, without a doubt, I have many things that I need to address before I can answer the question above. But I don’t need to determine all of them before I start working on the ones that I know need to be fixed. Trust me, I have some “gaping holes” in my boat (a metaphor for things I know I need to address). These are things that no matter what I define “true success” or “synergy” to be, I will incorporate into my values moving forward.

My largest leak is: Obtaining a solid work-life balance in the future.

Listen, I’m not an idiot (debatable by some). I know I must rejoin the “real” world when I get back. Even if it is just long enough to get myself situated and in a position where I can lead the life I want to. Yet, I refuse to capitulate my entire life under the pretenses that the short-term sacrifice of working 70+ hours a week will provide long-term benefit. At a very minimum, I want to define limits so that I do not encroach upon the threshold of reliving this experience again… Yes, I said RELIVING. I got caught up in the trap and burnt myself out. By the time I realized it, it was too late.

Which, joyfully, after an introduction that was far too long, brings me to the meat and potatoes of my post. The age-old question of:

What is work-life balance?

Work-Life Balance is the idea that a person’s life outside of work is just as important as their working life and that the time a person spends working should be balanced by time spent doing things such as spending time with friends and family, keeping fit, doing hobbies, traveling etc.

https://www.thebalancesmb.com

I have my Fitbit to thank for triggering this rabbit hole of events. I received an interesting email regarding my sleeping patterns 2 weeks ago. The email stated that I had FINALLY (after 6 years of wearing a Fitbit) met my “Sleeping goal”. I was very proud of this news! I must acknowledge that I am currently sauntering my happy ass around South America with no job and no timeline so sleeping takes up a lot of my time these days😊. But finally reaching my sleeping goal of 6:30 a night for a week straight is pretty impressive in my book!

With this news I became curious and I decided to do some research. If this was the first time I had ever met my weekly sleeping goal, I wonder what my past sleeping records were. Here are a few stats I pulled together:

1. Exactly 1 year ago my AVERAGE amount of nightly sleep from the day I moved to Richmond in March until the end of July was 5:13 hours per night.
2. Last week my average was 8:15
3. In August 2018 I had less than 5:00 hours for 3 weeks straight.
4. In September 2018 I had 6 nights with less than 2 hours of sleep.
5. The week after Thanksgiving I only slept 6 out of 7 nights (I worked the startup after driving 8 hours from Ohio) and for the remainder of the week I averaged a whopping 4:52 hours per night.

I was functioning (poorly might I add) on slightly more than 1/2 the recommended amount of sleep for nearly 9 months straight. By itself, this isn’t terrible. A lot of people are rolling their eyes and saying “Suck it up!” (or maybe that’s just the voice in my head) but I have more to add…

Google maps has some pretty cool tools that can help analyze your movements. I used this a lot to determine how much time I spent in the plant per day but never did anything over a long period. In this case, I was able to determine how many hours I spent a month at work. I divided it by the number of weeks in that month and took the average of the weeks between March and November. Long story short: I spent an average of 71 hours per week PHYSICALLY IN THE PLANT. It boiled down to about 11 hours a day with an average of 6 days a week (sometimes more sometimes less). Sadly, this doesn’t include driving time, the emails on the couch, or the calls in the middle of the night… But who is counting?

I saved the best for last. Mostly because it is the hardest to explain but also because it had the most impact. And that is Stress and the effect it had on my mind, body, and ability to be effective.

Side Note: If anyone is interested in learning about “stress tools”, “identifying stressors”, or “Coping mechanisms” I have posted many articles with some of my input on linked in and in previous posts. I’ll say this again just for reiteration, admitting stress is not a weakness, talking about stress is not a weakness, asking for help is not a weakness. It takes more strength to face your stress than it does to bury it.

Now back to our regularly programmed blog post

You are probably asking… Why in the Actual Fuck would anyone do that to themselves? Were you not good enough? Not smart enough? Were you being forced to do that? What was everyone else doing? Couldn’t you have delegated better? Did you not know what you were doing? (Again, this could be the voice in my head) But these are all questions I asked myself over the past couple of months.

Rather than spend a ridiculous amount of time chronologically detailing the events of what happened over the past 2 years (which, by the way, I did twice. Ultimately deciding to delete it for the benefit of your sanity… it was long and boring). I summarized my situation to the best of my ability in a few short paragraphs. Forgive the wordiness, you know me, I like to de descriptive sometimes…

• The company I worked for was short sited and had no interest in proper training or utilization of its employees. They passionately pushed their ever-changing initiatives from a top-down approach however provided no resources to comply. They believed that band-aids and brute force were the best ways to show quick wins even if it meant long term sacrifice. Which led to a vicious cycle of needing more downtime due to poorly running equipment. The employees (hourly and salary) had become so accustomed to this type of culture that they defined “Success” on how well they navigated the chaos. Due to the above statements, a companywide CYA approach to managing was adopted out of necessity which led to volatile relationships and working conditions where they used a combination of micromanagement Daily Management Systems (DMS) to point fingers instead of work cohesively.
• My Perspective: I can handle this! I was hired with 6 other highly respected professionals that I knew personally and professionally. Corporate, while confused, was at least supportive from an empathetical standpoint. We were going to start a culture shift that would change the organization. I moved away from my friends and family for this “opportunity” and refuse to take failure as an answer. I defined who I am as a person on my success or failure because I had given up all things personal long ago. I’ll take on all obstacles thrown my way… right, I got this… I think

As you all know, this situation did not work out in my favor. The equation was heavily balanced against me and the result was me, hell-bent on doing everything I could to tread water while cannon fodder came from all sides… I was sinking before I even knew I was thrown overboard.

That is what being burnt out is

At the time, I was so deeply entrenched in pushing forward that I was incapable of taking a breath and realizing that I was spreading myself too thin. I kept giving more and more just for the illusion that I was getting more done. I started coming in on weekends that I didn’t have to. I would come in at 3 am to answer emails that I couldn’t during the day. I would stay until 6 or 7 pm to work through problems on the back shift (not due to lack of experience, but due to lack of support) I took total responsibility and accountability for everything… But what did that accomplish?

All I can do now is reflect

On what I did and where could I have done things differently. I know now that I was playing a game where the rules constantly changed… I know that my inability to say I NO was my biggest enemy… I know that I decided to play the “blame game” with people that were way better than me… I know that I tried to control things that were out of my control… I know that I should have declined position changes that I was not expecting or ready for… I know I took responsibility for problems I shouldn’t have… I know that I gave it my best and I still failed.

AT LEAST IT IS NICE TO KNOW: That after I left, they added 4 people to carry the weight. 4 PEOPLE!!! However it further proves the point that I let myself get taken advantage of. 

I fought the good fight and went down in the battle. Failure is another term for experience. You can learn and grow from experience if you handle it correctly. And friends, let me tell you, I learned the hard way! But what have my wounds taught me and am I smart enough to prevent myself from getting into this mess again?

The tips below are things I came up with that I plan on using moving forward. They are things to watch out for when you are contemplating if you have a proper Work Life Balance. I hope you are able to enjoy and use these in your life as well.

To prevent getting burnt out in the future:

1. Never forget who you are as a person. Do not allow poisonous people in the organization to pull you down to their level or make you feel like you are not valuable.
   • I am referring to this CYA culture or the “blame game” I referred to earlier. If you find yourself in this type of atmosphere, professionally remove yourself.
   • This affects your home life just as much as it does your professional life. It is not worth the stress it puts on you as a person to take the abuse or to stoop to their level.
2. Set boundaries for work times. Work is not the most important thing in your life and if you don’t act the part by setting boundaries, you are telling yourself and everyone in your life that they are less important to you.
   • If your family and health are suffering then get out! If you are not happy, why are you there?
   • I mean everyone! There is a unrealistic stigma due to the ways companies manage that makes their employees feel obligated to work as much as possible. If your organization requires you to be there 24/7 then they do not value you as a person, only a # on a page.
   • If you need to set designated “on-call times” then do so because your time is only as valuable as you determine it to be. On call 24/7 is just another way of saying, “I’m cheap and desperate.”
3. Refuse to take any position without clear expectations and proper training. Even broken systems have some semblance of controlled chaos.
   • Assimilate yourself to the status quo with the knowledge that it can be better in the future. Jumping in blind will cause you to get lost quick.
   • Let me reiterate the part about proper training… I took 3 roles in this company in less than 2 years at the request of my superiors. Give yourself enough time to become proficient and learn the systems.
   • This affects your ability to be productive and what will inevitably happen is you will overcompensate with working harder and not smarter.
4. Realize that you only have a portion of the responsibility and within that portion, you only have a sphere of things that are within your control.
   • This includes managers. You may be responsible to report the metrics, but you have a team that is responsible for providing them to you, hold them accountable.
   • Proper training and expectations will help you, but experience and self-discipline will help you realize that you cannot control everything. You need to let others fail and improve so that you can improve.
   • Overburdening yourself with too much responsibility will have the exact opposite effect, you can’t control everything.
5. Know your value. You have skills and knowledge that others do not. You have ideas and skills that got you hired in the first place.
   • If you are working for a company that does not see your worth, more importantly, if you do not feel like you are valued, you need to A) go through the proper channels to change this by speaking to your leadership and B) if it doesn’t work, leave because you deserve to feel valued and appreciated
   • I am an extremely talented problem solver and project manager with great business acumen and management systems experience. I communicate well, have a great personality, and enjoy working with people… Somehow, at some point in time, I lost sight of this at some point in time.

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With those tips, I will end this post.

I have every intention of utilizing these as guidelines as I move forward through my journey of becoming a better and more well-rounded person. If one person reads this and realizes that they deserve better or that they can improve their situation, then I have accomplished more than what I set out to do.

My advice: sit down and think of things that are important to you and that will bring you happiness. Now think about 5 things that you could do differently that would improve your situation (that is how came up with my 5 ideas). I know that by using them I will have an advantage that I never had which is true internal happiness.